I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
