I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
