how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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