That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
A+ Viking dick
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
