Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
