Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
