sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
