Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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