as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
