It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
