just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
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Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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