i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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