I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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