I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
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