In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
