Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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