i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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