He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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