Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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