remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
