Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
