Already got asked if we're dating
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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