i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
