So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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