you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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