This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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