do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
