So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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