I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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