"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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