My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
