I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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