I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
