Texts From Last Night

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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.

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  (774): his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW. http://tfl.nu/joal
  Replies (23) Good night (968) Bad night (5525)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  story of my life.

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  (302): i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch. (484): story of my life. http://tfl.nu/5i11
  Replies (29) Good night (1483) Bad night (4214)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.

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  (573): A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb. http://tfl.nu/1cz1
  Replies (6) Good night (3535) Bad night (1024)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.

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  (281): The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself. http://tfl.nu/4mrf
  Replies (20) Good night (1583) Bad night (2872)
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  (909): View more from California

  Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?

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  (909): Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person? http://tfl.nu/yet0
  Replies (8) Good night (4066) Bad night (1475)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?

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  (618): was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven? http://tfl.nu/9wj5
  Replies (10) Good night (3238) Bad night (906)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.

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  (908): The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one. http://tfl.nu/8bgn
  Replies (3) Good night (3159) Bad night (1226)
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  (916): View more from California

  We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench

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  (916): We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench http://tfl.nu/ch9j
  Replies (3) Good night (2014) Bad night (819)
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  (845): View more from New York

  you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god

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  (845): you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god http://tfl.nu/778n
  Replies (10) Good night (2790) Bad night (632)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.

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  (520): I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people. http://tfl.nu/38n6
  Replies (6) Good night (789) Bad night (1286)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.

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  (508): There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him. http://tfl.nu/gfad
  Replies (7) Good night (1640) Bad night (1004)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?

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  (843): Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets? http://tfl.nu/2734
  Replies (9) Good night (630) Bad night (895)
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  (650): View more from California

  Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.

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  (650): Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what. http://tfl.nu/elzg
  Replies (4) Good night (1093) Bad night (422)
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  (714): View more from California

  I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.

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  (714): I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets. http://tfl.nu/myn2
  Replies (1) Good night (659) Bad night (367)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...

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  (410): When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background... http://tfl.nu/noyn
  Replies (1) Good night (344) Bad night (348)

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