can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
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It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?