I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....