end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
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That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.