I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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