Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.

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  (850): JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk. http://tfl.nu/brrf
  Replies (12) Good night (4321) Bad night (825)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."

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  (480): They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..." http://tfl.nu/hs05
  Replies (43) Good night (1824) Bad night (6785)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode

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  (610): I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode http://tfl.nu/uv7a
  Replies (29) Good night (7210) Bad night (978)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.

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  (585): Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either. http://tfl.nu/3i4x
  Replies (12) Good night (7887) Bad night (952)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore

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  (732): My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore http://tfl.nu/2pmj
  Replies (38) Good night (5260) Bad night (1665)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.

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  (732): It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that. http://tfl.nu/ljyh
  Replies (12) Good night (951) Bad night (4255)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.

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  (712): buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks. http://tfl.nu/xy6a
  Replies (5) Good night (3406) Bad night (932)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.

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  (802): She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there. http://tfl.nu/44mo
  Replies (12) Good night (7171) Bad night (1159)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone

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  (336): I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone http://tfl.nu/escl
  Replies (6) Good night (1323) Bad night (991)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.

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  (770): Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay. http://tfl.nu/tpqf
  Replies (25) Good night (6128) Bad night (860)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.

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  (970): Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby. http://tfl.nu/d4tv
  Replies (2) Good night (1297) Bad night (481)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like

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  (609): Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like http://tfl.nu/h698
  Replies (0) Good night (894) Bad night (378)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea

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  (609): I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea http://tfl.nu/yi5k
  Replies (2) Good night (379) Bad night (379)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed

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  (336): Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed http://tfl.nu/q8dx
  Replies (3) Good night (329) Bad night (828)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album

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  (313): He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album http://tfl.nu/c2eb
  Replies (0) Good night (599) Bad night (365)

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