I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If I die, sorry about rent.