Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(325): View more from Texas

just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?

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(707): View more from California

why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?

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(503): View more from Oregon

I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.

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(310): View more from California

She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL

(310): View more from California

so no, not her best night

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The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Read it at the TFLN blog
(860): View more from Connecticut

Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting

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(256): View more from Alabama

I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?

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