Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.

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  (314): So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes. http://tfl.nu/wpyi
  Replies (5) Good night (710) Bad night (2201)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day

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  (515): we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day http://tfl.nu/zvmb
  Replies (21) Good night (3857) Bad night (818)
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  (858): View more from California

  Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere

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  (858): Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere http://tfl.nu/0d9e
  Replies (10) Good night (3806) Bad night (818)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  she sounds like chewbacca in bed

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  (978): she sounds like chewbacca in bed http://tfl.nu/5g24
  Replies (32) Good night (1126) Bad night (6964)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense

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  (703): I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense http://tfl.nu/aaqg
  Replies (20) Good night (8015) Bad night (915)
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  (925): View more from California

  after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.

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  (925): after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool. http://tfl.nu/mdau
  Replies (13) Good night (4431) Bad night (935)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy

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  (443): shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy http://tfl.nu/uhwk
  Replies (13) Good night (3622) Bad night (1057)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  And I meant every ounce of it.

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  (978): You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands. (864): And I meant every ounce of it. http://tfl.nu/062o
  Replies (7) Good night (1311) Bad night (2213)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too

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  (203): I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too http://tfl.nu/f6yj
  Replies (7) Good night (790) Bad night (2607)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!

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  (504): As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!! http://tfl.nu/d5pb
  Replies (18) Good night (3169) Bad night (681)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..

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  (281): I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy.. http://tfl.nu/39a9
  Replies (12) Good night (3052) Bad night (610)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone

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  (512): I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone http://tfl.nu/z79l
  Replies (11) Good night (1778) Bad night (474)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious

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  (906): too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious http://tfl.nu/wso0
  Replies (7) Good night (946) Bad night (310)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.

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  (405): In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win. http://tfl.nu/zkyh
  Replies (4) Good night (578) Bad night (229)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.

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  (210): Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline. http://tfl.nu/jwnb
  Replies (3) Good night (756) Bad night (213)

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