ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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