I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the day after is always just damage control
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...