I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
