can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
barbara walters just said penis...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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