Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
