Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
