So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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