i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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