who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
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I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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