3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
