went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
