I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
