she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
