Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
