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The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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