How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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