Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
