I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
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My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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