3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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