i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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