You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
