This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
