Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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