I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We're too hungover to prance.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
