bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
