Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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