You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
