That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
