if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
