Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my being single is dangerous.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
