Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
