My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
