You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
