She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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