Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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