You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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