Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
