Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
