so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
