dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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