Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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