If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
