He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
